Thursday, September 27, 2012

Fat Husband

I'm pretty sure none of my 'in real life' friends read this.  (Except for Sam) So, if you are my friend and know my husband, please keep this to yourself.

I'm trying to lose weight.  Obviously.  I'm eating better.  I'm working out.  I want to feel better.  I want to look better.  I'm trying really hard.

So here's a frustration.

I have a fat husband.  He is 5'6" and weighs just over 260 pounds. 

And he doesn't seem to care. 

I've tried talking to him multiple times, signing him up for Weight Watchers (That was a waste of $50, he didn't even log on once.) I've told him how worried I am about him.  Family members have told him how worried they are about him.  I've asked him to work out with me.

He insists that he is healthy...just fat...but then I watch him struggle with knee pain, sleep apnea, and trying to go up and down stairs.

His grandfather died at age 35 from a heart attack.  And that scares me.  I've told him this.  Again, he insists that he is fine.

I'm not physically attracted to him anymore.  The tons of skin tags on his neck gross me out.  He makes fun of his weight by rubbing his stomach in public while making yummy noises and then eating way too much food and that embarrasses me.  He wears stupid t-shirts that are too small and that embarrasses me too. 

This makes me feel like a bad, bad wife.  I know that love is unconditional, but is attraction? 

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my husband.  He is an amazing man.  He is the most thoughtful person in the world, he is a great dad.  He works hard so that I can stay home with K. 

I feel like it is unfair to feel unatracted to him when I look at myself and wonder how he can find me attractive.  I feel like he doesn't care about his health and, in turn, doesn't care about K and me.

I try to do my part.  I try to keep healthy foods in the house and make good dinners, but that doesn't stop him from going out to lunch everyday, eating way too much, or drinking too much soda.

I'm not his mother...he is his own person and can make his own choices...I just hate the choices he is making and I hate the way I feel about that.

I've asked him to lose weight for Hawaii and he said he was trying, but I don't think he gets it.  He has no idea how many calories he is eating and he won't even try to track them.

I don't want a fat husband, but it's not like I am going to leave him because he weighs too much. what do I do?  What would you do?  I'm at a loss.

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